Coming to terms with wasted time and cravings

So apparently it was 4 years ago when I had really started to regain my weight. I realized this today because my drivers license expired. When I got my last license I was mortified about how much weight I had gained and planned to go back to the MVD ASAP to get a new one with a new, thinner picture.

Well, 4 years and about 80 lbs later I made the same promise to myself while leaving the MVD with my temporary license in hand. This time I fully intend to keep that promise to myself. Needless to say, I’m super disappointed in myself for allowing so much time to pass without getting to where I want to be. Talk about wasted time! đŸ˜„
On a side note, I did notice that the girl put my weight on my new license at 200, which is about 90 lbs less than I actually weigh. Thank God we don’t have to actually weigh-in to get ID’s… Lol

Today was particularly hard eating wise. We have been eating out too much lately and my cravings were nagging at me in the back if my thoughts all day. I managed to stay strong but it wasn’t as easy today. I also hoped to exercise but after 6+ hours at the baseball fields I was tired and moody… Which are just excuses but the excuses won today.
Hoping cravings are down tomorrow and also hoping to exercise… Even with another long day of baseball ahead of us.

Just gotta make it happen!

The mountains earlier today… ❀NM



Staying strong with these new habits

Creating healthy habits is key to long term weight loss success. The only way to initiate a new habit is to begin doing what ever it is you’re trying to create – and do it over and over, especially when you don’t want to.

When we are first starting out on a new diet and exercise program (ehm, I mean life style change), it’s easy to feel gung-ho for the first few days or even for the first week or so. But then old habits begin to creep back in, and the couch starts calling your name. The ice cream that is tucked away in the corner of the freezer starts sending you sugar filled brainwaves and you start to go mad trying to ignore them. THAT my friends is the moment. The moment that you must decide if your going to continue on your path and create new healthy habits (and begin to say goodbye to those sugar cravings) or if your going to go back to your couch sitting, face stuffing ways.

The truth is, it’s always easier to fall back into your old ways. When you’re in that mindset and your just feeling “blah”, stepping away from the couch and fridge is the last thing you want to do. But that’s exactly what you must do. Stop what you’re doing at that very moment and do the exact opposite. Go workout, walk, run, skip or hop, it doesn’t matter. Move! Drink a glass of water and get out of the kitchen. Do that over and over, day after day until your blah days are replaced by awesome days. It will get easier to get on that treadmill, trust me. It will get easier to choose a salad instead of that burger and fries.

Sometimes you may actually be hungry, so eat! Some days you may not be hungry but just want to eat. If you can’t fight the need to eat when you’re not hungry then so be it! Eat! Just change what you’re eating. Eat something with a healthy fat and protein. Make a substitution if you’re really craving something in particular. But if you eat a little and it’s not working then it’s probably just your old binge eating ways knocking on the door, don’t let it in! Just go to bed, or or clean, do anything… Just don’t give into it, because the moment will pass, but trying to get back on track and the disappointment and guilt you feel because you caved is not worth that moment of pleasure.

Stay strong. 😊

Healthy eating

I struggle with healthy eating nearly as much as I struggle with getting my butt up to exercise.

There are just so many different opinions on the subject it’s quite daunting. Growing up we are taught that the traditional food pyramid is the only way we should eat. Then when you start to gain weight and research the “best diet to follow” you find many other food pyramids, all throwing the others under the bus. Low-carb, low-fat, high protein, vegetarian, vegan, raw, Mediterranean, French, juicing, shakes, blood type, food combining… the list goes on and on. It’s no wonder we’re all fatter than ever, it’s so overwhelming it’s easier to just go to McDonald’s and call it a day.

But in the end, where does that get us? Fat, sick, bloated and shopping for bigger clothes.

Not good.

I think if we all stepped away from the weight loss aisle and infomercials we’d see the truth, without the help from the latest self-proclaimed health guru.

It’s obvious that prepackaged processed food like chips, cookies, cakes, etc, are bad for us. The obvious choice is to stay away from them. Its well-known that fruits and vegetables and other plant-based foods are healthy options, including rice, beans, legumes, etc. So eat them.

Depending on who you’re talking to, dairy is either good or bad for you. How about you make your own decision based on how you feel and try to make the best choice when eating it. I think yogurt filled with sugar isn’t the best idea, but when you skip the sugar (or cut down on it) and mix it with fresh fruit it can be healthy. I think whole milk and cream tastes like they’d coat your insides the same way that they coat the inside of your mouth, so I choose a lighter option. I think that processed fake cheese seems a lot less healthy and satisfying that the real deal, so choose the real cheese and you’ll be surprised that you actually need less of it.

I’m not an expert in any shape or form. I’m just a woman who is tired of hearing what everyone else thinks is right and wrong. I am tired of hearing about all of the studies that have been done proving that so-and-so diet is good for while so-and-so diet is bad for you – only for them to change their mind in the next study a few months later.

I’m tired of all the BS that comes with health and weight loss. It’s a multimillion dollar industry, they make money by us buying that crap. We’ll only keep buying it if we need it and keep believing all of their lies. We need to take our blinders off and think for ourselves.

Now yes, I do think that are real diseases out there that need to follow certain diets, Celiac’s and Diabetic for example. But for the vast majority of us it’s pretty simple. I can’t help but wonder if some of these food intolerance’s and food allergies (though some are real, I get that) are the cause of the processed crap we put into our mouths? All of those ingredients we can’t even pronounce and would never put in our own food ourselves (on purpose). We spend billions of dollars and overly processed junk every year. And then we wonder why we’re fat and sick.

I am not completely sure what to believe myself but I do know that I’m tired of dieting and I don’t know what to believe. I am going to personally try to limit my processed food intake and opt for the whole, natural foods as much as possible (to me, low carb is “clean eating”) and see where that gets me…

That’s my goal for now, back to the basics… to focus on healthy eating, as well as exercising for 30 minutes each day… As soon as my cold goes away. 😉

Wish me luck.

Till next time…

P.s. I really need to remember this quote from the ever so awesome Jamie Oliver:


Is it ever too late to start over?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the day to day grind that we forget to step back and reassess where we are, and more importantly, where we want to be.

When I recently stepped back I realized that though my life is good, I’m not where I want to be. I have fallen into a career path that pays well but does not fulfill my needs. I’m content but not necessarily happy. I’m in a position that offers tons of money making potential, and yet I do nothing with it. I can only assume I’m letting this opportunity pass me by because my heart isn’t in it.

Now that I’m in my 30’s, a career change seems completely irresponsible and foolish. But is it? Is it worth changing career paths and risk making less money for self-fulfillment? It seems very selfish and childish when I think about it, yet my inner voice won’t shut up about it. It screams to me that life is short and money isn’t everything. Two things I know to be true but seem to forget all too easily.

So here I am, questioning myself (doubting myself more like), am I brave enough to do something different? Am I brave enough to take risks? Am I brave enough to risk failure? Am I brave enough to possibly let myself and my family down and to face the music if I do?

All these “what if’s”… No certainties. No answers. It’s a leap of faith I’m not sure I’m brave enough to take… Yet.

And in all honestly, I am still waiting to “lose weight” to decide because I have it stuck in my head that once I lose this weight and regain my self-confidence I’ll finally be able to put myself out there to market an network without feeling embarrassed because I’m a huge fat slob. I’m hoping that’s the case anyway.

Numbers on the scale

I’m doing a little happy dance, on Sunday the 24th I weighed in at 303.6(đŸ˜©)… Today, 4 days later, I weighed in at 291.4.
I know it’s water weight, but I don’t care. I know that it will slow down in a few days so I’m going to try to stay off the scale so I don’t get discouraged. Maybe I can stay off for a month?
My goal is at least 8-10 lbs a month (of course faster would be awesome). So that gets me at 125lbs lost in 12-16 months. At the same time, i don’t want to be a slave to the numbers. I want to just feel and look better. Living a healthy life will get me there. So with that said my focus has got to be eating clean, exercising, and being in control.


Oh motivation, where art thou?

I can’t seem to get my shit together to save my life. How hard is it to squeeze in 30-60 minutes of exercise into my precious lazy, couch sitting, cupcake face-stuffing time?

Very hard it would seem…

Everyday is a new day and the longer I put it off the longer I’ll be fat, unhappy with myself and miserable… Because the daily aches and pains of living in an obese body, feeling gross, not fitting into cute clothes and looking like crap are miserable things, let me tell you…

On days when the daunting task of losing weight seems impossible, and refusing that frosty beer with a side of chips and queso seem completely unfair (Eff you, skinny bitches who can ingest whatever you want), those are the days I need to dig deep and push ourselves further. Because one day I will also be a skinny bitch, and though I may not be able to eat whatever I want (Eff those ho’s who can anyway), I will easily be able to pass up what ever scrumdidlyumptious fair is in front of me… And not care. In fact, I’ll relish in the thought that though some can eat what ever they want, most can not. So while I’m passing on the heavenly badness that likes to stick to my hips, I won’t feel bad because I’ll know that while I’m not gaining weight, they are. 😉

So here I am, sick as a dog (thank you co-worker who doesn’t believe in calling in sick😠) and feeling *this* close to just eating off plan to make me feel better, but thankfully not willing to have to restart… Again. There is always a bright side. I’ve stayed strong for 4 days in a row, even while sick. It shows that I do actually have a choice in this. I can decide to stay fat by doing what I’ve always done or I can stay the course and see this through.

Only I can make it happen. It’s my choice. That’s the beauty of it.

I’ve been thinking about having weight loss surgery (hubby even said I should “seriously look into it”, ugh). The fact of the matter is that I don’t need to have my stomach stapled, what I need is to get off my ass!!
I don’t think that weight loss surgery is the easy way out, not after the first few months anyway, but when I read about people who have been trying to get approved for the surgery for more than a year or two I can’t help but think that if only they spent half as much effort into eating right and exercise as they did thinking about surgery and trying to get approved then they probably wouldn’t even need the surgery. Am I right or am I right?

So, instead if feeling sorry for myself and playing the pity card, it’s time I looked at the big picture and took charge of my life and my future. Period. No matter what, it’s time to put myself first.

Till next time…

Carving the path to a new me :)

I’m fat. There’s no sugar coating it, no denying it, and definitely no hiding it.

I weighed in on Sunday 8/24/14 at 303.6 lbs. I’m 5’7″ (and a half).

I really hate admitting my weight. The thought of anyone knowing the truth about how far I’ve let myself go is horrifying, but I’ve decided to not be afraid of the number on the scale anymore, nor to let my weight hold me back from living anymore. The people who truly matter in my life accept me the way I am, fat or not. The ones who judge me don’t matter anyway.

It’s hard for me to get out of the all or nothing mindset. I know that in the scheme of things a bad day or week isn’t a big deal… But it seems that if I eat anything off plan then all bets are off for the next few days or even weeks. Same with exercise, if I skip a day then I can easily get into the “why bother” mindset… Next thing I know, I’ve regained all that I had lost plus a few extra. Doing this over and over ends up equaling a lot of pounds gained. So if I look at it like that, it’s not hard to figure out why I’ve gained so much over the past few years. Of course having thyroid issues doesn’t help either….

From experience, I know that I not only see results, but also feel better on a low carb diet. Additionally, from the research I’ve done on Graves’ Disease, I’m better off eating a low carb/gluten free diet.

So for now, low carb is my focus.

Here are my goals:

1) No sugar.
2) No white carbs.
3) Healthy carbs in moderation (eventually).
4) Drink at least 2 – 3 liters of water a day.
5) Consume healthy fats and/or lean protein at every meal.
6) Increase consumption of green leafy veggies and other low glycemic veggies.
7) Focus on berries when I add in fruit (eventually).
8) Move my body everyday. My starting goal is at least 30 minutes of cardio 6-7 days a week, strength training, etc, 4 days a week.
9) Manage stress.
10) Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

Those are my initial goals, everything is always subject to change of course.

I do feel that I need to be somewhat strict with my diet because as many failed weight loss attempts have proven, there is no middle ground for me when food is concerned. One bite leads to two and two leads to a full fledged binge which typically takes me weeks to recover from. It’s easier for me to simply say no and to just steer clear of that slippery slope altogether than it is for me to risk it.

I am going to learn to love the word “no”. I don’t see anything wrong with telling yourself you can’t and shouldn’t have something. At 300+ lbs I need to tell myself no. Over indulging in anything and everything I want is how I ended up here in the first place. I dread the comments and I really hate being “that girl” in social situations, but my life is not about making other people happy or succumbing to peer pressure and having that “one bite” that I know will most likely derail me for a week or longer. It’s just not worth it.

As great as “all foods in moderation sounds”, it’s just not realistic for most people. Think about it. For some that may work ok, but for the vast majority of those who are overweight and obese, they (we) need to really buckle down and fight our addiction to food. I’m a firm believer that the quickest way to take control of your diet is by eliminating sugar entirely. Eventually you can add in fruit in moderation but sugar will always make you crave food and want more. And I mean all sugar, natural or not. This also includes the foods that your body easily converts to sugar – white carbs. I know from experience that eliminating those two things alone from my diet is truly what will make my weight loss journey easier, more manageable and will leave me feeling more satisfied vs it being a constant struggle and left feeling hungry and deprived all the time.

Yes it’s hard. Yes it’s easier to just eat what ever you want. Yes it sucks being “that girl”, and no it’s not easy putting yourself first by making sure that you have healthy food (and being a picky pain in the ass all the time) and making time to exercise. No, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.