Carving the path to a new me :)

I’m fat. There’s no sugar coating it, no denying it, and definitely no hiding it.

I weighed in on Sunday 8/24/14 at 303.6 lbs. I’m 5’7″ (and a half).

I really hate admitting my weight. The thought of anyone knowing the truth about how far I’ve let myself go is horrifying, but I’ve decided to not be afraid of the number on the scale anymore, nor to let my weight hold me back from living anymore. The people who truly matter in my life accept me the way I am, fat or not. The ones who judge me don’t matter anyway.

It’s hard for me to get out of the all or nothing mindset. I know that in the scheme of things a bad day or week isn’t a big deal… But it seems that if I eat anything off plan then all bets are off for the next few days or even weeks. Same with exercise, if I skip a day then I can easily get into the “why bother” mindset… Next thing I know, I’ve regained all that I had lost plus a few extra. Doing this over and over ends up equaling a lot of pounds gained. So if I look at it like that, it’s not hard to figure out why I’ve gained so much over the past few years. Of course having thyroid issues doesn’t help either….

From experience, I know that I not only see results, but also feel better on a low carb diet. Additionally, from the research I’ve done on Graves’ Disease, I’m better off eating a low carb/gluten free diet.

So for now, low carb is my focus.

Here are my goals:

1) No sugar.
2) No white carbs.
3) Healthy carbs in moderation (eventually).
4) Drink at least 2 – 3 liters of water a day.
5) Consume healthy fats and/or lean protein at every meal.
6) Increase consumption of green leafy veggies and other low glycemic veggies.
7) Focus on berries when I add in fruit (eventually).
8) Move my body everyday. My starting goal is at least 30 minutes of cardio 6-7 days a week, strength training, etc, 4 days a week.
9) Manage stress.
10) Get at least 7-8 hours of sleep every night.

Those are my initial goals, everything is always subject to change of course.

I do feel that I need to be somewhat strict with my diet because as many failed weight loss attempts have proven, there is no middle ground for me when food is concerned. One bite leads to two and two leads to a full fledged binge which typically takes me weeks to recover from. It’s easier for me to simply say no and to just steer clear of that slippery slope altogether than it is for me to risk it.

I am going to learn to love the word “no”. I don’t see anything wrong with telling yourself you can’t and shouldn’t have something. At 300+ lbs I need to tell myself no. Over indulging in anything and everything I want is how I ended up here in the first place. I dread the comments and I really hate being “that girl” in social situations, but my life is not about making other people happy or succumbing to peer pressure and having that “one bite” that I know will most likely derail me for a week or longer. It’s just not worth it.

As great as “all foods in moderation sounds”, it’s just not realistic for most people. Think about it. For some that may work ok, but for the vast majority of those who are overweight and obese, they (we) need to really buckle down and fight our addiction to food. I’m a firm believer that the quickest way to take control of your diet is by eliminating sugar entirely. Eventually you can add in fruit in moderation but sugar will always make you crave food and want more. And I mean all sugar, natural or not. This also includes the foods that your body easily converts to sugar – white carbs. I know from experience that eliminating those two things alone from my diet is truly what will make my weight loss journey easier, more manageable and will leave me feeling more satisfied vs it being a constant struggle and left feeling hungry and deprived all the time.

Yes it’s hard. Yes it’s easier to just eat what ever you want. Yes it sucks being “that girl”, and no it’s not easy putting yourself first by making sure that you have healthy food (and being a picky pain in the ass all the time) and making time to exercise. No, it’s not easy. But it’s worth it.

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