I’ve been contemplating life lately, I’m not really sure why. It seems like so much of my life has been wasted time. Doing, thinking and obsessing over things that really do not matter at all. If only we could go back in time, what would we do differently? Here are a few ideas for me, in no particular order:
~I’d write a great book… like Bridget Jones’ Diary. Just kidding, I’d write Twilight. or even better, I’d write the Harry Potter series because you never hear critics saying what a bad writer J.K. Rowling is.
~I’d erase all of my overeating and fast food visits. I might as well add in all of my visits down the candy isle too.
~I’d exercise every day, or at least go for a walk every day; 30 minutes, nothing crazy.
~I’d take my vitamins and eat a clean diet.
~I’d go to college right out of high school – and finish. Preferably with a teaching degree, even though teachers are ridiculously underpaid, I’d have vacations off with my kids. No amount of money can buy summers and cozy winter breaks off with your kids. That is my biggest regret… lost time with my kids.
~I’d be more outgoing and not be afraid to step outside of my comfort zone. I wouldn’t let my hubby’s need for safety and security keep me from taking my own risks in life. I’d be a true go-getter.
~I’d have spent more time with my grandparents – and I’d take notes!
Alright, so honestly I think this list could go on forever. The thing is, that even though all of those things would have been great and may have improved my life, they might not have. Perhaps eating clean and never overeating junk food would have made me a miserable human being who hates life. Maybe being thin and (hopefully) preventing disease isn’t always worth it. Maybe sometimes living is better?
Hmm, no I’m pretty sure that being thin and disease free is better, but you get the idea. 🙂
If everything happens for a reason then that means that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be. I can’t imagine why God would intend for me to be where I’m at: in debt, fat, unhealthy, sick (in terms of thyroid cancer and Graves’ Disease, migraines, etc.), no degree, too shy, too afraid of failure. Is there a lesson that I’m supposed to learn from all for all of this? Is He just sitting back wondering when I’ll finally have enough and get a clue?
Or maybe my journey isn’t solely for me. Perhaps there really are bigger things in play. Maybe it’s for my kids, lessons that they need to go through. Or maybe it’s for something different altogether that I can’t even fathom right now. Or maybe it’s for nothing at all.
I guess the point of all this is that though I may not be where I want to be or who I want to be, I am not stuck. The truth of the matter is that I actually have it pretty good, A lot of people would love the life I live, and while I do love a lot of it, I don’t love all of it. And that’s not ok with me. We are only here for a short time, life is too short to live a mediocre existence. To accept a life that isn’t what you want isn’t ok. There are some things we have very little control over: like getting sick or a freak accident at work. But for the majority of it, we have a choice in the matter.
Somehow over the years New Year resolutions have become cliché. I hate that. I love New Year resolutions. Like every Monday, its a fresh start. A new beginning. A new chance at life where anything is possible – if you want it badly enough and if you’re willing to work for it, it can happen. Its like a shiny little globe of hope, dangling in front of you, waiting for you catch it like the golden snitch. You just have to be willing to make it happen.
I feel like I’ve existed long enough. I’m ready to live. I’m ready to take the bull by the horns and take charge of my life (cue Chaka Khan🎶). I have a few things up my sleeve for the new year, I am anxious to see what I do with them. In the end, for me, the real test is bravery.
Fear of failure be damned. 🙂