I officially started my new lifestyle on Monday. I am focusing on clean eating (as much as possible), drinking lots of water, and getting daily exercise and/or movement in. I joined a clean eating challenge in December and from there decided to join the next group they were starting using Beachbody’s 21 Day Fix. This program focuses on clean, whole foods and comes with little containers to help you measure your food. So far the little cups have been very helpful. I ordered the Challenge Pack which includes Shakeology, which honestly I was skeptical about but I am actually enjoying it. I have tried other shakes in the pasts, the last was Body by Vi, but that just didn’t do anything for me. I’m not currently using Shakeology as a meal replacement, instead I’m using it more as a supplement because of all the vitamins. Surprisingly, today I had my eating under control for the most part, but ate too much at dinner. I also had energy all day long, which rarely happens. It could be a fluke or maybe the shake does help? I’m anxious to see! I was having trouble with my DVD player so I couldn’t do the workout that came with the 21 Day Fix so instead I walked for 50 minutes on the treadmill. Nothing crazy, but it was enough to make me huff and puff and get sweaty. 🙂
During my walk I was thinking about this long tiresome journey I’ve been on, nearly my whole life. I’ve always struggled with my weight and I’ve always gotten down on myself about it. I hate that. I want to learn and practice self-love. I want to learn to love myself regardless of my size, and regardless if I say something stupid, or if I’m too shy to go out and get business and if am not a top producer at my company or bringing home “the bacon” for my family. These things don’t define me, these things can change just as easily as I let myself get hung-up on them.
I’ve always felt guilty for putting myself first. For the first time ever I understand that in order to GIVE love, you have to first love yourself. This is something I’ve heard for as long as I can remember but it’s never meant anything to me until now. It was like an “Ah!” moment for me. The saying, “if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy” is true only it’s not just for mama’s. It’s for everyone. To be the person others need you to be starts with your own self-love and willingness to put yourself first in order to take care of them the way they need. There’s no reason to feel guilty, it’s a necessity.
My question to myself this evening is WHY THIS TIME? What will make this time any different from my other attempts at weight loss or life changes before? In the past I have always been horrible at sticking to things. The only time that I truly stuck to something for any amount of time was in 2006 when I lost 110 lbs. It took me about 7 months and I kept that weight off for 5 years or so. I was eating low carb at the time and because I was having a lot of aches and pains I got off the program because I thought maybe I was missing nutrients… turns out, it was my thyroid. Since then I’ve struggled with everything, weight, motivation, ambition and drive, which in turn has effected my family life to some degree and it’s definitely impacted my career. And this isn’t ok with me… there comes a time when enough is enough. Dare I say that I have finally had enough?
I know that I’m not alone in my struggles and in no way do these things define me. They’re only a small piece of story. My story is MUCH longer and the rest is still unwritten. It’s time that I quit wasting time and started taking care of myself – in every way possible. Because no matter how much I struggle, in the end, I really do love myself; And that right there is the KEY to everything.
Thanks for listening! 💗