Day 3 On Track

First things first: Day 3, I’m still on track, and feeling better already. Still not 100% but I’m less bloated and feeling semi-cute again. Isn’t it silly how being on track or off track with our diet or exercise regimen can totally make or break your day… your week… or in my case, your month… I’m tired of my weight determining my mood, and even more, I’m tired of it determining my self-worth.

While out marketing today I met a girl who had a lot of success on Atkins in the past – she had lost 90 lbs in 6 months, but regained some with her last pregnancy… four years later, she’s still got 30 lbs to go. I’ve got about 95 lbs to go to my goal… She suggested we do a weight loss challenge, $100 in the pot each, the person who loses the most at the end of two months wins. It may just be us, we might get others to join in… It sounds good and all, and in my mind, being the overachiever I am, I imagine how I will rock my workouts and conquer my bad eating habits, just like that…

In reality, it wouldn’t really go like that. I’d start out gung-ho for a few days, maybe a week… and then the pressure will start to get to me. I’ll fall off track and end up just as fat and lighter by $100. But alas, this may also be an opportunity to continue to grow this relationship… so I’ll probably do it.

During my marketing excursion this morning, I was complaining to the marketing rep I was with that one of the other marketing reps for my company doesn’t seem to like me much, or at least doesn’t seem interested in marketing me much. She said, don’t let him get to you, he only markets cute, small girls who are marketable… Then she paused for a moment and I could almost see her hand hit her forehead as she laughed and said, oh my god, I didn’t mean you’re not cute! and I just looked at her, if she could read my expression it would have simply read REALLY bitch?!in which she replied, you are very cute, and you’re marketable to me!… She could have said anything to try to cover her ass, but it was already out there – and like all things that are already out there, you can never take them back. Honestly, I can’t really say that this bothered me much. I know that being fit and cute makes you more marketable, after all, it’s not rocket science. People are attracted to attractive people. I have been on both sides of that spectrum – I’ve been the small(er) cute girl, and I’ve been not so small cute girl. And I can tell you, the small(er) cute girl wins out most of the time… Sure, there are times when personality wins, which luckily, I must have at least a little personality because I’ve managed to pick up a handful of new clients, while being in my larger unmarketable body…

With all that said, in addition to the many reason of why I need and want to lose weight, I also need to do it for my job. The truth is, I will probably do even better if I were a normal weight. Of course looks are not everything, but they help a lot… Of course I can’t be a thin dingbat – that won’t get me anywhere. I need to balance my knowledge, personality, and everything else.



Hello Motivation

Today’s topic is MOTIVATION.

What is it, where is it, how do we get it, and how do we keep it. 

Motivation is like a little angel sitting on your shoulder trying to get you to get off your ass and get things done. Motivation is not only for weight loss and exercise, it’s for everything that leads to a better life. For example, I struggle almost daily with motivation to go to work. It’s not that I hate my job, or dislike the people that I work with, it’s just that I would rather be doing my own thing. I would rather spend my life doing what makes me happy than working myself sick for somebody else. On top of that, in my line of work I need motivation to get business. I need motivation to run my desk smoothly and efficiently. I have to keep my mind in the game at all times, offering exceptional customer service and networking continuously. It’s very tiring and a very draining. But, because I want to live a life I love, I get up every morning, get dressed, get my butt to work, and work my ass off. I want it so much that I continue to go day after day, and miss days off with my kids so that they can have a better life.  And that is my work motivation.

My fitness motivation has been simmering inside me for years. I’ve always loved working out and have wanted to be fit from a very young age. Sadly, I have been the exact opposite for most of my life. It’s not that I haven’t worked out or eaten healthy throughout the years, but somehow my body just manages to hang onto weight. For as long as I can remember, I have been dreaming about running. Often throughout my life I ran. I don’t know why I love it so much, or why I even love the idea of it so much, but to become a runner has always been my ultimate goal. As I’ve gotten older, fatter, and now have some health issues the idea of ever becoming a runner seems to be impossible. But I still dream of it, I still want it, and I’m still going to strive for it. But it’s not only running that keeps me going. Any kind of fitness and movement has always motivated me. For some reason actually getting up and doing it the last few years has been really hard, but I am working towards getting back that motivation.

Losing weight is very hard, and the trick is staying motivated throughout your journey. How can we do that? Especially when the scale doesn’t move as fast as we think it should, we can barely sit on the toilet thanks to sore muscles, when there are no healthy food options the parties… The list goes on. It comes down to how much you want it. How much do you want it?? Is it worth saying no to pizza and beer and having salad instead? Or, if there are no healthy options at all, just waiting to to eat until later, even if you have to starve for a few hours? Is it worth losing an extra hour of sleep so you can workout or get home an hour or two later than usual so you can hit the gym? These are the types of decisions you have to make if you really want it. Sure you may not have to be so hard-core, but remember you’re always going to get out what you put in. Luckily, my motivation is in the hard-core stage. I am currently willing to do whatever it takes to get what I want to be.  Even if that means being super picky with my food and being the awkward girl at the party.


I really want to know: What Is your motivation?

Does slow & steady really win the race?

You have to believe in yourself, even when nobody else does. That makes you a winner right there.
~Venus Williams

It’s hard to get over past failures. I want to succeed yet in the back of my mind a little voice is telling me to give up because I know I won’t be successful anyway. But why can’t I be successful? I’m no different from the next person, am I? The only difference between me and the people who are where I wish I was is that they DID IT. They MADE IT HAPPEN. I can’t think of any reason why I can’t make it happen – other than laziness and the unwillingness to try.

I guess I’m feeling a little down on myself because I had a few pieces of pizza tonight and too much ranch dressing on my salad. I had a 5 lb loss this morning and I’m sure I won’t see a loss on the scale tomorrow, but that’s ok – this is life, not a race. Sure, it may take me a bit longer to get to my goals if I continue to eat like this but in the end, does a few extra months really matter? The answer is no, but I can’t get out of the NOW mindset. I do want it now. Mostly because I’m tired of feeling ashamed and embarrassed. It’s nearly time for baseball season and I will see all of the parents I’ve known for years, they’ve seen me much thinner… and not so thin. That is a huge driving force for me wanting it now. That and running into other people I know, let me tell you how awkward it is running into a broker I used to close for weighing 130 lbs less than I do, it’s so humiliating. I can honestly say that my weight has affected my career negatively.  

Slow and steady wins the race, right? I am really going to focus on the steps I need to take each day to get to where I want to be. Eventually I’ll be there, as long as I don’t give up. A year from now I’ll be so thankful that I started now. I wish I would have started sooner.

It’s nearly bedtime, I guess I better go workout before I don’t. If I don’t work out tonight I know that will only help derail me and get me off track… then once again, I’ll be back to square one… starting over… again. I don’t want that!!

Til’ next time… 🙂

We All Have a Story…

I officially started my new lifestyle on Monday. I am focusing on clean eating (as much as possible), drinking lots of water, and getting daily exercise and/or movement in. I joined a clean eating challenge in December and from there decided to join the next group they were starting using Beachbody’s 21 Day Fix. This program focuses on clean, whole foods and comes with little containers to help you measure your food. So far the little cups have been very helpful. I ordered the Challenge Pack which includes Shakeology, which honestly I was skeptical about but I am actually enjoying it. I have tried other shakes in the pasts, the last was Body by Vi, but that just didn’t do anything for me. I’m not currently using Shakeology as a meal replacement, instead I’m using it more as a supplement because of all the vitamins. Surprisingly, today I had my eating under control for the most part, but ate too much at dinner. I also had energy all day long, which rarely happens. It could be a fluke or maybe the shake does help? I’m anxious to see! I was having trouble with my DVD player so I couldn’t do the workout that came with the 21 Day Fix so instead I walked for 50 minutes on the treadmill. Nothing crazy, but it was enough to make me huff and puff and get sweaty. 🙂

During my walk I was thinking about this long tiresome journey I’ve been on, nearly my whole life. I’ve always struggled with my weight and I’ve always gotten down on myself about it. I hate that. I want to learn and practice self-love. I want to learn to love myself regardless of my size, and regardless if I say something stupid, or if I’m too shy to go out and get business and if am not a top producer at my company or bringing home “the bacon” for my family.  These things don’t define me, these things can change just as easily as I let myself get hung-up on them.

I’ve always felt guilty for putting myself first. For the first time ever I understand that in order to GIVE love, you have to first love yourself. This is something I’ve heard for as long as I can remember but it’s never meant anything to me until now. It was like an “Ah!” moment for me. The saying, “if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy” is true only it’s not just for mama’s. It’s for everyone. To be the person others need you to be starts with your own self-love and willingness to put yourself first in order to take care of them the way they need. There’s no reason to feel guilty, it’s a necessity.

My question to myself this evening is WHY THIS TIME? What will make this time any different from my other attempts at weight loss or life changes before? In the past I have always been horrible at sticking to things. The only time that I truly stuck to something for any amount of time was in 2006 when I lost 110 lbs. It took me about 7 months and I kept that weight off for 5 years or so. I was eating low carb at the time and because I was having a lot of aches and pains I got off the program because I thought maybe I was missing nutrients… turns out, it was my thyroid. Since then I’ve struggled with everything, weight, motivation, ambition and drive, which in turn has effected my family life to some degree and it’s definitely impacted my career. And this isn’t ok with me… there comes a time when enough is enough. Dare I say that I have finally had enough?

I know that I’m not alone in my struggles and in no way do these things define me. They’re only a small piece of story. My story is MUCH longer and the rest is still unwritten. It’s time that I quit wasting time and started taking care of myself – in every way possible. Because no matter how much I struggle, in the end, I really do love myself; And that right there is the KEY to everything.

Thanks for listening! 💗


Never Give Up!

I can’t believe it’s the 9th already. Where does the time go? I had all these plans and hopes of being well on my way to my new lifestyle, but I haven’t really started yet. I woke up at 4:30 a.m. on Monday to workout, I walked 45 minutes on the treadmill. Sadly, I paid for it the following 3 days with a headache. I am feeling better now (knock on wood), but I have convinced myself that I need to lay off the early morning workouts for now. So with the mornings out, it’s up to me utilizing my precious time in the evenings to workout – instead of vegging out like I really want to do.

I know that I don’t want to let another month go by without me making any progress toward bettering myself. I don’t want another year to pass by with me stuck in the same place I’m at today. I want more, and I know that I’ll only get more if I bust my butt and get it done. I’m not only talking about losing weight, I want to change everything that’s holding me back. I feel that by being miserable with my job and unhappy when my house is messy and disorganized is only bringing me down. I’m starting to think that in order for me to change and become the person that I know I am, I must change everything that is pulling me down. I need to clear the cobwebs.

First things first: I need to begin working out, 4-6 days a week. Preferably for 30-60 minutes minimum of cardio + weight training, etc.

Equally important: My diet. When I say the word diet, I don’t mean I need to go on a crazy diet. I mean my way of eating (aka WOE). The food that I put in my mouth needs to change, along with the way I view food. I have a very unhealthy relationship with food and in order for anything to stick that needs to change.

I hope that by doing these two things I will begin to feel better and have more energy and gain confidence; which will then lead me to my next goals of tackling my professional life.

The key in all of this is to not give up. I always give up and I am beyond tired of being a quitter; Quiting is what got me to where I am today – Nowhere.


I am going to try again… and again… and again… until it sticks.

Never give up!! 🙂


Do What You Say You’re Going To Do

Say it with me: Do what you say you’re going to do. Now say it again, over and over.
I stumbled across this title while scrolling through blogs on my feed and that simple title spoke to me. The blog was short and sweet and to the point.
I know what you’re thinking: can it really be that easy? Those same thoughts are dancing around in the back of my mind, but I think it really can be that easy. When I lost weight in the past, so often it just came down to just getting up and getting it done. Before anything else; TV, writing, reading, errands, etc. I just had to get my butt up and on the treadmill. Taking an extra 10 minutes in the evenings or mornings to prep my food and water made ALL the deference between making good choices or bad. I made a promise to myself all those years ago and I held on to that promise for nearly 5 years. Now, I’m back to square one, only now I’m worse off than before. But I still have a choice in the matter. I can choose to be fat or fit. My body is no different than the next person. If they can do it then so can I, I just have to go for it. 🙂

Hang On Tight To Your Wagon, It Hurts To Fall Off…


I’ve been hiding away from my blog in shame, disappointed in myself for falling off the wagon… Again.

I was actually doing great until I let my cravings get the best of me a few days ago. The problem is, that though I do feel better on low carb, I struggle with sticking to it because our family holds so much pleasure in eating. I like going out without stressing about what I can eat, I like the freedom of having tacos and (light) beer if I want it.

It is pretty amazing though, while I was on track a lot of my aches and pains went away. After only two higher carb meals the tendon on my foot and ankle were killing me and the following day that old bloated feeling was back. On the positives side, I was able to finally poo (cause low-carb = constipation! at least in the beginning. TMI I know… lol), but also the stress of eating went away. The stress of being restrictive and coming up with healthy meals. The freedoms of being able to eat what I (we) want without it being a huge ordeal is important to me.

But now here I am – again. Back to square one. I do not want to live fat, unhealthy, in pain, depressed, embarrassed and ashamed for another second, but that’s the only option I’m giving myself.

So needless to say I’m struggling as usual, asking the universe the question I’ve sent out to the cosmic Gods a million times: “What is the answer?!?!?”

Obviously it depends on who you ask. Everyone has an opinion on the matter. I just want a livable, sustainable healthy lifestyle that makes me skinny – which allows me to eat what I want without having to breakdown the ingredients to come up with the ratios (because that stresses me out). Is that too much to ask? 😊

Cosmic Gods, help a girl out a little, won’t ya?